To all the amazing moms out there who have kids with high needs,
Your kid might not know to thank you or have the social awareness to make you a card, buy you a gift, or bring you breakfast in bed. Chances are Sunday felt like just another day. Another tough day. Your Mother’s Day wasn’t free of meltdowns, tantrums, or arguments. It certainly didn’t feel like a special day all about you. In fact it probably revolved around managing your kid’s energy, moods, and triggers. Just like every other day.
Having a kid with high needs is hard. And each day you rise to the challenge. You get up, tend to their needs, and do everything you can to care for them. You advocate for them in school and get them linked with resources. You find the best doctors, therapists, programs, and tutors to help them achieve their full potential. On top of everything else you do, you have a full time job as your kid’s coordinator and temperature taker. So it’s no wonder that you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
Whether you are one of my clients, someone I know in another context, or a total stranger, I want to extend gratitude to you. I know that parenting is a thankless job. But I also know what a difference you are making in your child’s life. So thank you!
Thank you for tirelessly advocating for your child—despite all the red tape. Thank you for working to help them with the emotional regulation skills they lack. Thank you for sitting with them in those tough moments and believing in them when it feels bleak. You are an amazing mom. Whether or not they say it, your kid is lucky to have you.
For your own sake, I hope you are getting the support you need. Make sure that you surround yourself with a community of people that get it. Invest in your marriage so that you can support one another. Too often parenthood (and an unwavering focus on the kids) can derail couples. Reach out to myself or another marriage and family therapist if you need help getting back on track. Find time in your week to do something for you. Reconnect with those parts of yourself that seem to have taken a backseat to being your kid’s chauffeur and master scheduler.
You are an incredible woman and you deserve gratitude and love. Maybe you didn’t get pampered on Mother’s Day but let’s try to sneak some pampering in this week. You’ve earned it!
Sincerely,
Theresa Herring, MS, AMFT