When we got out of bed on November 9th, we stepped into a new world and not the one many were hoping for—the glass ceiling wasn’t smashed and we didn’t have our first female president. We reluctantly pulled ourselves out of bed and stumbled, groggy and uncaffeinated, into the reality that our President-Elect is a man with no political experience who campaigned on platform of hate. This has people wondering if they’re safe, if they will continue to have their rights, and if their loved ones and children will be okay.
Since November 8th, I’ve been doing a lot of grief counseling. Session after session has been spent processing the election, the results, and trying to make meaning of it all. We start with denial “I really didn’t think this was possible” and, over time, hopefully we can make it through to the last stage of grieving which is acceptance. And when I say “acceptance,” I don’t mean “approval.” I don’t mean liking that Trump was elected (unless you do at which point then this blog post is not for you). Acceptance is acknowledging that this is our reality so we stop fighting it. Acceptance is when we put our energy into ourselves, our family and friends, and causes that we believe in.
There are five stages of grief. We don’t always follow these linearly. We can find ourselves in one stage and then another shortly thereafter because, let’s face it, this election has brought out all of the emotions.
Denial:
“How could this have happened?!?”
“How could anyone have voted for Trump?!?”
You are in shock. Britain, the country of Brexit, threatened to ban this man from entering the country because of his hate speech. How was he elected President??? This is the denial stage. You are not ready to see or accept the facts. Illinois may have gone blue, but so much of the country (and state) holds different values and they’ve submitted their vote to say as much.
Bargaining:
You sign petitions online to get the Electoral College dismantled or to advocate for the Electoral College to vote Clinton into office 12/19/16.
You aren’t giving up on this. She won the popular vote!! This is the bargaining stage. You are doing everything in your power to change the outcome.
Anger:
You take to facebook and write rants about how Trump supporters are all racist, sexist, ignorant homophobes. You threaten to move to Canada. At least there is universal health care and people there aren’t idiots, you think.
This is the anger stage. You’re reacting without thinking things through. Be careful. Anger is where we burn bridges. But it can also be a very productive emotion if you harness it and remember that #lovetrumpshate
Depression:
You thought about calling off work. You don’t know why you should bother doing anything when your bodily autonomy is at risk or loved ones could be deported. You’ve gotten a carton of Ben and Jerry’s, a bottle of wine, and find yourself eating like a Gilmore Girl.
This is the depression stage. You want to give up. You don’t want to live in a world where Trump is president. This is also the stage where you may choose to seek short or long term counseling.
Acceptance:
You don’t approve of President Trump. You didn’t vote for him and you’d prefer that he didn’t become president. In fact you feel that the world would be a better place if he wasn’t in public office. BUT you have accepted that this is what happened on November 8th and have decided to focus your energy elsewhere.
This is acceptance. You stop fighting reality and start living again. You decide that #lovetrumpshate and you become an ally to those who fear for their lives. You stand up when you see Muslims, Mexicans, people of color, the LGBTQ population, or women being targeted. You donate money to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, or whatever cause you feel is important.
You move forward to make yourself better, your family stronger, and do your part to make this world a better and more compassionate place for everyone.
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